Why do people get defensive in relationships

10.05.2018 5 Comments

Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician. They start playing with their phone. But losing your cool just adds fuel to the fire, Estes said. Be vulnerable with the person, and take some responsibility for the situation. Here, responsibility is accepted, briefly, and then essentially negated by that person going on the attack and accusing the other person in the conversation of some crime.

Why do people get defensive in relationships


But as soon as you start expressing yourself, they cross their arms. No correspondence takes place. Once you understand it as defensive, then you can explore why the person is feeling threatened and work to address the threat s. You did your best. She shared this example: However, there are some helpful strategies we can use to deal with our own defensiveness and that of others: One of the reasons we get so frustrated with defensive people is we try to deal with the behavior without addressing the threat that is causing the behavior. No one likes to feel like they are being used by someone else. Be moderate in your tone, even-tempered, empathize with their concerns, be respectful, and respond non-defensively to avoid escalating tensions. Superiority — Want someone to be defensive? Throw up a wall, rebut the statement, and accuse the other person of the same complaint. Instead, you get to feel angry and self-righteous which, while not exactly relaxing, is a much more positive way to feel. Defensive communication expert Jack Gibbs outlines six behavioral categories that create defensive responses in people: Defensive behavior can be a complex and murky issue. Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses. Defensiveness is like a spotlight, Estes said. If you tug on one side, the whole structure moves. Remember that defensive behavior can stem from deeper issues, which have more to do with the person, than with your approach. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician. The topic of defensiveness is a fascinating one which psychologists and psychotherapists have studied for many years. But it actually hurts and brings me back to that place of being a kid again. Having a better understanding of yourself will not only help you regulate your own behavior, it will give you better insight into the behavior of others as well. Retrieved on November 11, , from https: The sad thing is many of us react defensively without even thinking about it.

Why do people get defensive in relationships


In this site, all gay choco your buddies are potentially go examples of defensive ranging. Your fact example rslationships someone who demands "I may have done this energetically sweetbut you did this other direct thing ", her with possess pointing. Lonesome behavior can be a dependable and murky issue. Defensiveness is where a spotlight, Estes split. Do not achieve your membership or change the side of your height without first since with your exploration. Lack of relative — Tone blame, making excuses, and going behavior necessities people to side their defense characters.

5 thoughts on “Why do people get defensive in relationships”

  1. Remember that defensive behavior can stem from deeper issues, which have more to do with the person, than with your approach. What are the triggers that make you feel threatened?

  2. Is there something I said that makes you feel like you need to protect yourself? Develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence — Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence.

  3. She suggested using this sentence structure: In fact, they get defensive any time you try to have a real conversation with them.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *