I will hire one hopelessly stupid and incompetent lieutenant, but make sure that he is full of misinformation when I send him to capture the hero. Any pilot who cannot hit a mekton-sized target within combat range will be used as target practice. If I build a bomb, I will simply remember which wire to cut if it has to be deactivated and make every wire red. Gender Non-specific Evil Miscellany or Good Advice for the Evil at Heart My planned assault on the rebel base will take place after my assault on the rebel base. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
Regardless of their strategic priority, prisoners will never be interrogated on the flagship, or any command ship, but rather on a prison or hospital transport. As Empress of all I Survey, the merchants will come to me with their wares - after being throughly vetted by my Chief of Palace Security to prevent assassination attempts , and then by my household steward to avoid fashion disasters and poor quality goods before being brought to my attention for purchase. Exotic anatomies are not to become a factor. In the old days they made you look diabolic. If my objective is world domination, I will not be tempted by tantalizing opportunities for absolute power, which invariably backfire. All midwives will be banned from the realm. The woman warrior is one of the more dangerous hero types existing in the world today. I will not pick up a glowing ancient artifact and shout "Its power is now mine!!! I will not have a son. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position. It would be undignified to die because I got frustrated and sarcastically said "Kill me now! Men already enthralled by my Feminine Wiles will just as easily take my orders when radioed from my fortress as in person on the front lines. I will not grow a goatee. While it may be tempting to use an Ultimate Weapon or Spell with a rare, almost impossible to exploit, Tiny Flaw to accomplish my goals, if many Penultimate Weapons or Spells with no such flaw can achieve the same effect, I will employ them instead. Any pilot who cannot hit a mekton-sized target within combat range will be used as target practice. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request. Instead I will treat her with all the kindness and love possible while slowly reshaping her in my image. I've murdered tens of thousands in cold blood. Any information about me that CAN be accessed from a computer will have the most brain destroying song possible, playing in a constant, hidden, background loop; thus reducing anyone who tries to view it to mental jello. Ropes supporting various fixtures will not be tied next to open windows or staircases, and chandeliers will be hung way at the top of the ceiling. My TerrorMech pilots will be just as well-trained as their foot-soldier counterparts. You'll be sitting around, minding your own business and plotting nefarious deeds, when suddenly some mysterious stranger rolls into town and starts destroying all you have worked to create. He won't try anything with his true love held hostage. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner. If that doesn't work, you may want to try the unthinkable and become their love interest. They also tend to dress in armor that protects an amazingly small amount of their body from attack.
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