I had tried drugs for the first time, and smoked and drank more in one night than I ever had before. It seemed funny at the time, but then the summer hit, and things started to change. I was surrounded by alcohol, most of which was free to me, and queues of men who loved to flirt with barmaids. Three men had cheated on their girlfriends with me. What interest was I to them after they had conquered me?
Three men had cheated on their girlfriends with me. For the first time, I found myself free, and I was excited to flirt, kiss and go to bed with other men. I had taken cocaine! The morning I woke up between those two men was the same day I returned back to university for my second year. I probably reeked of desperation. It seemed funny at the time, but then the summer hit, and things started to change. It used to make me feel giddy giving in to their attempts, but the moment I left their house in the morning, I would feel like a used and discarded tissue. As I drove away from home, I spent a lot of time thinking and calculating. Totting this all up in my head was exactly the shocking realisation I needed. A moment that changed me — when I decided to repay the NHS Andrew Davies Read more The problems began when I started working in a pub, to earn a bit of money and occupy my then bountiful amount of spare time. Men who kicked me out early, claiming they had work, when really they were going to have sex with some other girl. I wanted so badly to stop, but it was easier said than done. The taste in my mouth was hideous, as though tobacco had been glued to my tongue. Alamy I woke up in a strange bed, naked, between two naked men. I had had unprotected sex on eight occasions, and taken the emergency contraceptive pill after three of them. These rejections made me need constant reassurance. I loved it when guys would text me telling me I looked pretty as they watched me pour drinks, or would wait until the end of my shift to walk me home. I started going back with a careful selection of these men. What interest was I to them after they had conquered me? I went to the sexual health clinic, where I had tests done for pregnancy, chlamydia and HIV, all of which miraculously came back clear. To my left, an acquaintance — an unclean, predatory type of guy — whom I had never had a liking for. Exactly a year before this awful morning, I left a relationship that had felt increasingly suffocating. I made a promise to have sex only when sober, and I have now been abstinent for three months. In one year, I had slept with 12 people, six of whom in the space of those two summer months. My housemates would smirk with knowing looks as I gently shook my throbbing head, and laughed. I had, unknowingly, placed myself at the heart of my weaknesses.
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